Many of you know that I’ve spent the past year or so questioning and grappling with the concept of Christianity and wondering how that fit into my life and views, if at all. Many of you also know that I spent this past weekend participating in the Walk to Emmaus, but most of you don’t really know what that is or what that means. To be honest, I’m not even positive that *I* knew what that meant before going. What I did know is that the Walk was a spiritual weekend designed to help you create/nurture/reignite your relationship with God and Jesus. What I also knew is that Jared had participated in a Walk last September and returned a much better person than I could have ever imagined—and I didn’t even think he needed improvement before he left!! He came home with an incredible attentiveness to me and a desire to put me first, instead of himself. His Walk has improved our marriage exponentially—again, something that I didn’t even think needed improvement. And so I thought, if Jared’s strengthened relationship with God could have such a wonderful affect on our lives, how good could it be if I participated in a Walk and strengthened my relationship with the Lord as well? And so I went.
I should preface all of this by saying that I am completely out of my comfort zone right now. I’ve always felt that spirituality and religion is a very private thing, and should be respected as such (so with that being said, maybe you didn’t know that I’d been grappling with all of this in the past year). So I generally don’t talk openly about this kind of stuff for a variety of reasons— because I don’t have the answers to all the questions, because up until recently I have been very “on the fence” as to what I believed, and because I know religion can be touchy and sometimes not accepted by people and I didn’t want to be unaccepted by those that were close to me for fear that I’d become a “Jesus freak”. But one of the things I learned this weekend is that sometimes we are called out of our comfort zone, even though it’s tough for us to leave it. And since I have just recently started this blog, and even more recently sent out thank-you cards to family and friends with this website address in it, what better way was there for me to spread the word on the most recent change in my life?
The Walk to Emmaus symbolizes the walk taken by 2 of Jesus’s disciples with the risen Christ on their way from Jerusalem to Emmaus. At first, the disciples did not realize that their new friend accompanying them was in fact the risen Christ, as most of us don’t realize that we are accompanied by Christ in our daily lives as well. Upon arriving at Emmaus, the disciples’ eyes were opened and their relationship with Christ as reignited. The Walk to Emmaus weekend has a similar objective—to rediscover Christ and God in your life. So that’s the basis of it.
Like I said before, I was kind of unsure of what to expect. Your contact with the outer world is pretty much cut off from Thursday evening to Sunday evening. No cell phones and no watches or even clocks in any of the rooms. You never knew what time you were waking up or going to bed, but surprisingly, it didn’t matter because you are completely taken care of the entire time you are there. Even more surprising, when you first arrive at home, you are dismayed to hear your cell phone ring and to see that clock on the wall reminding you that it’s bed time because you have to get up early for work tomorrow. Much of the Walk involves listening to a lot of talks about Christ, your relationship with Him and how you can continue to strengthen and nurture that relationship as you go through life. We had a lot of discussions about the talks, which was helpful in understanding other people’s ideas and sometimes, understanding your own ideas. There was of course, a lot of singing and dancing, which I’m not such a huge fan of. Apparently, since high school and college, I’ve become somewhat shy and was even described as reserved. (Go figure!) I just don’t feel the need to do hand gestures/dances every time we sing a song. The same way I don’t feel the need to hold hands and sway every time there are no gestures for that particular song. So what if I can stop a swaying line of people like no other. It’s not my style, and though you might get mocked for it (out of love, of course), it’s completely ok.
The underlying theme of the weekend? You are loved. You are loved by Christ, you are loved by God, you are loved by your family and friends, and you are loved by others that don’t even know you, but merely know you as a brother or sister in this kingdom. Pretty crazy, and it sounds simple, but it’s a tough concept to grasp. I, for one, didn’t understand why God would love/could love each and every individual as much as He does, even the ones who don’t *know* Him. And two intelligent people made a very solid point to me—how much do I love this little nugget that I’ve been carrying around in my abdomen for the past 37 weeks and 3 days, even though I don’t technically know her either? Touché.
Now I’m sure the fact that I went on such a Walk when we’re about to experience such a monumental change in our lives had a lot to do with the way I interpreted everything this weekend and the feelings and message I brought home with me. Do I think that’s a coincidence? Not at all. Because now not only will our daughter come into this world with a father who has a solid relationship with Christ, but a mother who has one as well (well, it’s a work in progress!). I’d say she’s off to a pretty good start! :)
I can bet that there are a lot of you who are reading this and thinking, “Wow. What happened to Gina?” and are perhaps wondering if I’m not going to be as fun anymore. Not to worry, my friends. I’m not going to start knocking door to door to introduce people to God. Nor will I try to coerce you into a relationship with Him whenever we talk. I'm even up for a good debate about evolution, because let's face it, I'm a biologist and there are some things that I'm not sure I accept (for instance-- dinosaurs and people on earth at the same time?? C'mon now.) And if you ask if I want to meet up at Happy Hour for a beer (or two or three), I most certainly won’t decline! (After the baby is born, that is.) I’m still me. I’m just a happier, more gracious, more accepting, feeling like she is blessed more than she could have ever imagined version of me. And hopefully next time we hang out, you won’t be thinking “Wow, what happened to Gina?” in a leery sort of way, but maybe in a she really seems happy and her and Jared have really got it together sort of way.
So that was my weekend. I thank all of you who sent letters—they touched me deeply, and I have been continuing to read one each day. It’s a good way to wake up each morning.
In unrelated news—we have another doctor’s appointment tomorrow and will be having our final ultrasound. We’ll keep you posted on what the doctor says, when this little girl’s expected arrival is, etc.
Love and hugs and peace to all.
2013 - catching up!
11 years ago
